Resources

What they don’t tell you about learned, trauma-induced suspicion is that it is a force. It acts all-powerful, is dynamic. It cannot be shut off. It has no valve. It feels quite eternal, quite useful, deeply harmful, and is the most intriguing companion you will ever have. It helps; it harms. It is a tool of wisdom and an ingredient of destruction.And it lives with you—or dare I say, comes from you. It is not sibling or lover; it is child—part of you yet distinct from you, something for which you are responsible to show love, to teach care, to help guide it into its maturity. But you cannot control it or rid yourself of it; it is always a part of you.So, you learn it.And have patience. And decide that since you both are connected on levels and planes you may not see, you have to build relationship with it—create sites of health and progress and adaptation. This is not resignation or lack of strength; this is clarity and vision—and perhaps a glimpse into genealogical secrets.You are likely not the first of your people to wrestle with suspicion’s place (I, at least, don’t think of them as tricksters in any way).But you can be the first to craft a new relation, an honest partnership.What can suspicion teach you—what has it been trying to instill in your heart? How has it sharpened your spirit? Have you even realized it has granted you more eyes?The impulse is to call suspicion an enemy. It is age-old to lean into fear. But suspicion absorbs what you place on it. Fear is not helpful here. Attention is.What is it showing you about yourself? And are you ready to understand?You are a galaxy of unknowns—are you ready to know something buried in your atoms, to become a scientist of yourself?